Cincinnati Zoo Gorillas Successfully Sue Zookeepers for Death of Harambe

By: An Evil Gioneus on 12/9/2092

I  n a shocking turn of events, the gorillas at the Cincinnati Zoo have successfully sued their zookeepers for the death of beloved gorilla Harambe. The lawsuit, which was filed by the gorillas themselves, claimed that the zookeepers were negligent in their duties and ultimately led to Harambe's untimely death.
According to court documents, the gorillas claim that the zookeepers were too busy taking selfies with visitors and posting them on Instagram to properly care for the animals. They also alleged that the zookeepers were not properly trained in gorilla behavior and were unable to recognize when Harambe was in distress. The gorillas were awarded $5 million in compensation for the loss of Harambe.
"We are very pleased with the outcome of this case," said George the Monkey, one of the gorillas’ supporters involved in the lawsuit. "We hope that this will serve as a reminder to all zookeepers out there that they need to take their jobs seriously and not just use us for their own personal gain.
The zoo's lawyers argued that Harambe's death was an unfortunate accident and that the zookeepers had done everything in their power to protect him. However, the gorillas' legal team, led by a team of highly skilled attorneys from the firm "Gorillas, Esqs.", presented evidence that the zookeepers had ignored Harambe's warning signs and had even been seen throwing banana peels at him in a playful manner, which contributed to Harambe's death. The court also noted that the zookeepers were aware that the child had dropped into Harambe's cage but still they shot him instead of trying to tranquilize him.
In a unanimous decision, the jury found the zookeepers guilty of Harambe's death and ordered the zoo to pay out a large settlement to the gorillas. The gorillas, who were ecstatic with the ruling, announced that they would be using the money to purchase a new jungle gym and a lifetime supply of bananas.
As for the zookeepers, they have been fired from their jobs and are now facing criminal charges. In a statement, the zoo said that they will be implementing new training programs for their staff and will be taking a closer look at their Instagram habits.
In the end, Harambe may be gone, but his legacy lives on as a symbol of justice for all animals who have been wronged by negligent zookeepers. Rest in peace, Harambe. You will always be remembered.